The Kind of People & The Nature of Our Relationships

I would like to be surrounded with people with whom I can trust, be myself, and feel support. I imagine being surrounded by a nice community of people who I can connect to on different levels, and with whom I can talk about a number of different things with. I don't want to have to be afraid of having too many issues, but instead feel like I'm surrounded by others who are open about their issues and striving somewhat collectively to overcome them.

A Family of My Own

While I am grateful to have the family that I do (my sister and her kids, my parents, etc.) and for the friends who are like family, I would love to have a life partner and kids of my own. I want a routine based around making each other happy. I want people that are around any time that I need them to talk about anything that I want to talk about. I want people that I can do things for that I can count on won't be hurtful to me, that'll just be around at the end of the day, that will come to me to the important events of my life and whose life events I can focus on as well. I want to be surrounded with love.

A Few Hours of Fun

This possibility reflects my night out New Year's Eve. Last night, I was around a group of people who were non-judgemental, welcoming, warm, open. I met a lot of "good people" - people who are focused about being good to those around them. I didn't have anyone ask me about my research; I could just talk about different subjects and relax and enjoy the company and food and drink that someone else has spent a lot of time putting together. For a few hours, I felt surrounded by warmth, joy, and hugs. Hatred, spite, and manipulation did not exist. I think it would be nice to experience something like this on a regular basis.

A Wedding

Last weekend, I attended the wedding of a friend. It made me daydream about how nice it would be to get married. All these friends who I haven't seen in awhile and who I've known for a long time would come. I could invite all of Mom's friends. The Rabbi from my family's shul would efficiate. I would love to get married somewhere outside, maybe somewhere with ocean views, maybe a beach.

I think about the song that I'd walk to - maybe Shlomo Artzi's Shneim (Two). And I'd follow my friend's new take on the traditional Jewish ritual of circling the groom - instead we circle each other. We'd have a ketubah, but would change the patriachal language and make it a real contract between us - not between groom and my father.

Sometimes I picture marrying a woman. And we find much more interesting and unique ways of incorporating the Jewish traditions. I don't know what my Mom would think about this.

My Fantasy of a Father

I read The Wounded Woman: Healing the Father-Daughter Relationship tonight, and the author assigns women to think about what their fantasy of a father would be...I think as a way to think better possibilities about men, but anyway, here goes:

I would love to have a father, or even a father figure, who...
...supports me, tells me that he's proud of me, doesn't pressure me to do things that I don't want to do, does things for me (like trying a new restaurant) that he doesn't want to do because he loves me, dependable, takes care of me when I'm sick, listens to me when I have a bad day and empathizes, loves me unconditionally, appreciates me, complements me on the way that I look, is honest and open with me, and gives me advice when asked but doesn't get offended if I decide to go another way.

A Proper Vacation

I can almost taste it: Full days all devoted to relax- -ation. Sitting on a beach somewhere or on a meditation retreat or even better at one of my favorite places in the world, Esalen.

Or, renting a house somewhere goregous and having all of my favorite girlfriends come just hang out for a little while - Kathy, Sara, Neha, Helen, Anya, Jane, Barbara, Susan, Merissa, and Jennifer would be there. We'd cook ourselves these fabulous meals and sit in a hot tub with a bit of aromatherapy in the evening and go hiking during the day and lounge around talking and drinking wine that somehow wouldn't aggrevate my migraines.

Or, going to some destination spa with one of my best friends, Kathy. We'd have several days just to completely pamper ourselves and relax and talk and walk around in robes and have beautiful things around us to savor. We'd exercise a lot and eat well and just feel really good about ourselves by the end. I'd spend some quiet time to myself writing poetry.

Welcome to Possibilities

I just finished watching the movie "Last Holiday," and even though its just this simple comedy, it got me thinking. It is a movie that somewhat relates to my life. In the movie, the main character is dying. In my life, my grandmother and mom are dying, and it makes me feel like something inside of me is dying. So what struck me about this movie is a scrapbook that the main character keeps - a book of possibilities that she fills with good things that she thinks she'd enjoy in her life.

Then, when she decides to start living in the moment, she has that book to go to get direction.

And hence my idea for this blog.